how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”
i dont think my parents ever dreamed their kid was growing up to be a depressed sarcastic asshole thats addicted to the internet and has more internet friends than real ones
(Source: secret-paranoia, via whoviankayleigh)
"My favorite game is the one where I go to work and wish I wasn’t there, and then go home and wish I wasn’t there either."
— Weese Jr. (via nevver)
how i flirt: have you seen this tv show
How I flirt back: no but I’ll come watch it with you
I SHIP IT
Fun fact: I asked a boy if he watched Doctor Who, and he said, ‘No, I don’t, but I’ll watch it if you watch it with me.’ And now he comes over almost every day and we make out.
Fun fact: I asked a girl if she watched Doctor Who, she told that I was a nerd and then walked away…
(Source: jamesfrancos, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
the sexual tension when u and ur crush are online on fb at the same time and u just stare at their lil green dot
and suddenly you know what gatsby felt like
This is actually the most profound and appropriate literary allusion I’ve encountered so far this week.
oh my god
(Source: twoukofukawa, via dutchster)
drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious and, most importantly, drunk.
(Source: peenslaya, via dutchster)
*pulls out bread at wedding* i’d like to make a toast
(Source: rneerkat, via jesustakethewii)